Why Won't My Kid See It My Way...!!!
Posted: Wednesday, December 16, 2009
by Bill Morris
Success4Teens.com
It seems that since the beginning of time there seems to be a communication failure between the parental unit (mom & dad) and their offspring (son/daughter). Well, that's because parents and kids, (a) speak different languages, and (b) have different needs, wants and desires.
For example, as a parent I might be concerned with paying my mortgage and getting along with my spouse, as a teenager I might be concerned about purchasing the next Snoop Dogg or Coldplay CD or possibly getting hold of the new Grand Theft Auto video game.
So now comes the dilemma " HOW " can I reach my kid and impart some common sense into their brain. Well, forget it. The harder we try the less we have to show for it and the more frustration we create for ourselves, which in turn effects us in a negative way. That negative effect snowballs and we are worse off than when we started.
So what is a parent to do? The reality is that our offspring is actually on "automatic pilot", so, we as parents need to come in from another angle. We need to learn their language and we need to understand their needs. One thing most parents forget is that the "teen brain" is still developing and will until they are in their early twenties. You are saying I've tried to communicate with them, but "they/ the offspring" won't "let me in".
I always say: "If you always do what you've always done, then you'll always get what you always got". Think OUTSIDE the box this time.
Create "date night". This is a night where one parental unit goes out for dinner with one offspring. The rules are simple:
(1.) the parental unit does not talk about school or the myriad of other "gripe issues" they have with the offspring
(2.) the parental unit only talks about how much he/she loves the offspring, no matter what ever happens in life
(3.) the parental unit endorses the fact that he/she knows the offspring will be successful regardless of whatever he/she does in life
(4.) the parental unit does not have an agenda, but rather is there to listen, and on date #1 there might not be that much to listen to.
(5.) the parental unit explains that the offspring can talk about anything they want without fear of reprisal (and mean it).
(6.) the parental unit will share some vulnerabilities (I know this is hard- but necessary ) like something about his/her job they are concerned with that the offspring did not know and maybe his/her spouse does not even know.
(7.) if date night is say Tuesday..make it every Tuesday.
When I created the DVD Success4teens, a DVD showing kids HOW to "get it together" mentally, physically and spiritually, it was designed from the heart and soul of the parental unit.
After all, it's not always the message they choose to ignore, it's the messenger. Let me that messenger. Even if we say the same thing, they might be enamored with my background on Wall Street or that I hold a World Record in fitness.
This DVD is everything we want to say to our kids and more.because we love them more than life itself, we want the best for them and shouldn't care HOW they get the message.
In our heart and soul we know their success is our happiness!
This Article has been viewed 283 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
Top-level comments on this article: (4 total)Yes, oit is sometimes not easy to lead a good dialogue with the child, especially if he is already a teen, but as parents, we shouldn't give up.
Bill, a very interesting idea...my family, we did "parent's night" and family night...where on family time we only had "family" (and b/f's g/f's IF they had lasted 6 mos) time...that way we could have exclusive time with the kids...as for why they don't see things YOUR way...did you see thing YOUR PARENTS way? I think not...kids "rebel" because that is the nature of children.
As a single mom, I raised my three children and then, as a single grandmother, I raised one grandchild. I frequently thought that the communication gap was the result of one parent being totally worn down by kids. After reading your article, I am relieved to know that even two parent families have this situation. Maybe it's just a part of human development and, as parents, we teach, model, try new ideas and then get down on our knees and pray!?? Your article definitely pointed out some great suggestions.
Thanks for your article Bill... and welcome to Search Warp!
Lisa
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